We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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