Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
