last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
