the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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