Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
