my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
we made out on top of his cat.
Michael Bay diarrhea
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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