Do you still have your period?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I intend to get homeless drunk
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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