I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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