Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
