i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
