saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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