Where did you get a picture of my penis
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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