five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
