I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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