he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Randomize
