Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Sorry my hands just texted you
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
