I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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