wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
