so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
