No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Randomize
