he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
