wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize