so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
