He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
