You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
