she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
