glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
