In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
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