Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
