Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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