From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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