her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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