omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
