I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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