i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
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