She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I love you. Go after that dick
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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