Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
