Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
