Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
