i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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