Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
this will be a night to untag.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
