you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
