Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
not ubering you a puppy
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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