Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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