I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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