Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
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