He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
