Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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