I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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