I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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