We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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