I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
