I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
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I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
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Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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