Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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