Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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