when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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