Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
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We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize