Me. At least after what I've been through.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
