New invention idea: vibrating tampons
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
