Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
