so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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