If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
