im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
