How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Randomize
