ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
there is glitter all over my balls
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
