your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
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It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
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He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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