I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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