i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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