Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
