Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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