break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I love you. Go after that dick
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
