Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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