so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
