He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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