i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize