apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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