There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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