Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
