nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
