When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
What a fucking waste of an outfit
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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