Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
