he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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